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I know what you’re thinking: probably something along the lines of, “why did a list like this ever need to be made?”
That’s a fair enough question. If you look around online, though, you’ll see plenty of lists of the most attractive MTG cards featuring women. However, it’s not as common to find the same lists for Magic cards featuring men.
I’ve decided to flip the script here, especially after writing our article about why Oko is so good. Upon further research, I realized that there are a lot of handsome dudes in Magic: the Gathering that are just begging to be written about.
So here it is: my list of the MTG cards with the handsomest men on them. Not many (if any) people asked for it, but I’m doing it, anyway.
My Criteria
Before I get into the list, let me give you a disclaimer.
Normally, when I’m a creating a list of the best of something (whether it’s cards, games, or equipment), I try to explain what features earn them their title of “best.”
With this kind of list, there isn’t a given set of criteria I’m going to be using other than whether or not I think they look gloriously handsome. There are a number of ways to achieve the title of “gloriously handsome,” which could mean looking majestic, conventionally attractive, or frankly just alluring.
This is not necessarily an article about the strongest Magic cards with men on them. I imagine it would be completely different if it were. Nevertheless, I will briefly discuss whether or not the cards in question are useful (beyond being admired), as well.
So, without further ado, let’s take a look at the hunks I’ve dug up…
Top 13 MTG Cards with Gloriously Handsome Men on Them
Oko, Thief of Crowns
Oko, Thief of Crowns didn’t need to steal his spot on the list – he earned it fair and square. I can just see it when I look at him: this heartthrob has the kind of laissez faire attitude that masks a deep, sentimental side.
Romance Archetype: In a traditional romance story, he’d be the kind of guy who starts off seemingly uncaring, but opens up gradually over time. Plus, he’s got that exotic fey thing going on that would add a touch of the supernatural to any love story involving him.
Is he actually useful? Yes, Oko, Thief of Crowns is an insanely powerful card. So powerful, in fact, that he ended up being banned in Modern. His ability to turn things into food or elk and to steal things from your opponents led to him being played far too often.
Enthralling Victor
I’m sure I’m not the only person who thinks that the “enthralling” part of Enthralling Victor’s name is pretty fitting. His confident stance, washboard abs, and luxurious hair add to an overall aura of appeal.
Romance Archetype: I imagine that, in a romance, he’d be a bold warrior type. Think something along the lines of a Khal Drogo-esque character, only, he’s more of a lone wolf. He’d be rough around the edges, but secretly have a heart of gold buried beneath layers of hot desert sand.
Is he actually useful? In terms of usefulness, Enthralling Victor is a solid “okay.” True to his name, he allows you to “enthrall” an opponent’s creature and use it to your advantage that turn.
Rakish Heir
In the last several years, we saw the rise of the sexy vampire stereotype. Nowhere is that embodied quite as well as in Rakish Heir, which instantly makes me think of some Queen of the Damned-level of attractiveness.
Romance Archetype: His flavor text sums this darkly beautiful vampire up nicely: “If you’re not having fun, what’s the point of living forever?” Unlike other vampires in romances, though, he wouldn’t have a hidden good side underneath all the darkness. He’s truly bad to the bone…but that’s what would make him so fun.
Is he actually useful? In vampire tribal decks, you can’t really go wrong with Rakish Heir. That +1/+1 counter he gives to other vampires every time they do combat damage will pump them up really fast. However, that’s pretty much the only kind of deck he’s really useful in.
Odric, Master Tactician
The gleaming, foxy silver hair, strong jawline, and quizzically arched brows of Odric, Master Tactician make him a requirement for this list. Now this is a man who deserves the title of daddy.
Romance Archetype: Here’s my overactive imagination at work again: Odric’s the kind of guy who’s refined and loyal. He’d have a strong sense of duty and a work ethic that takes him away from the love of his life, but he does it all for their sake.
Is he actually useful? Yes! At four total mana, getting a 3/4 with first strike isn’t too bad by itself. His ability of choosing how your opponents block him and your attackers is also useful, as you can take advantage of it to eliminate pesky creatures your opponents might otherwise try to protect.
Sylvan Safekeeper
Sylvan Safekeeper has a jawline so sharp, he could slit someone’s throat with it. And he wields it well in this art, standing nobly with the sun gleaming off his flawless armor and forming a kind of ethereal halo in his raven locks.
Romance Archetype: So what type of guy would he be in a love story? To me, he looks like a guy whose youth was cut tragically short by the heavy yoke of duty. He throws himself into his work, but his armored heart secretly yearns for more.
Is he actually useful? That depends on which stage of the game you’re in. In the early game, your lands are vital, so sacrificing them isn’t all that helpful. Perhaps later on he gains a little bit of use, when you have something big on the battlefield that you need to protect.
Kazandu Blademaster
Kazandu Blademaster’s profile is one of mystery. He stares off into the distance, eyes steeled and jaw set against an unseen threat, unfazed by whatever looms in the distance. It’s that mysterious battle-hardened quality that lends him his appeal. What made him become so fearless, and does he feel anything other than determination anymore?
Romance Archetype: In a love story, he’d be a begrudging bodyguard, forced to protect someone. As he spends time around them, he slowly begins to see them as less of a job and a burden, until he becomes completely smitten with his charge. I’m imagining something like Wesley in Princess Bride, only, not exactly a servant or anything (and maybe a tad more stoic).
Is he actually useful? Absolutely! Only double white mana for something with first strike and vigilance? That’s pretty decent.
Not to mention the +1/+1 counter he gets when another Ally enters the battlefield under your control, making him a great choice for Ally tribal.
Mentor of the Meek
Mentor of the Meek is a man working to prove himself. He stands with his muscles tensed, sword held aloft, as people stand around him, watching. His posture conveys strength and self-assurance, knowledge gained from the streets that others might scoff at, but that he knows has given him an edge.
Romance Archetype: You know how Aladdin runs through the streets of Agrabah in the Disney movie, stealing bread and lamenting how he’s a street rat? That’s what Mentor of the Meek is like – he’s an underdog that people look down on, but he’ll shake up their routines to prove himself. Underneath that brazen confidence, he’s a real diamond in the rough.
Is he actually useful? It depends on the deck and who you’re playing with. In general, his ability is great – every time a tiny creature enters, you can pay one to draw a card – and card advantage is always beneficial.
Beastbreaker of Bala Ged
Everything about Beastbreaker of Bala Ged screams “macho” in the traditional sense of the word. From his impressive mustache to his bulging biceps to his surly expression, this one is popular for a reason.
Romance Archetype: He makes me think of a military man who was marooned in enemy territory and had to learn to survive in the wilderness with nothing but his MacGyver-like skills, steely stare, and spirit. Like the beast behind him, he wouldn’t be easy to tame, but the right person could break through the walls he’s put up around himself and soothe his wild heart.
Is he actually useful? I mean, he’s not terrible. I personally find him a bit boring because he’s nothing more than “Hulk smash!” in card form, but I’m sure other people would disagree with me there. Paying two mana for a 2/2 isn’t awful, and getting a 6/6 with trample after you level him up a bit isn’t the worst, either…but it takes awhile to get him there.
Teferi, Hero of Dominaria
Something about Teferi’s penetrating stare and air of wisdom gives him an allure entirely unique to him. This card is a great example of the level of poise this planeswalker can carry himself with.
Romance Archetype: I haven’t read much about Magic lore, so I’m just giving you my impression here. Teferi looks like he’d be a stern man, dedicated to his duty. He has years of experience behind him, working steadily at his job, losing himself in it until he all but forgets what love is…until someone reminds him, quite unexpectedly.
Is he actually useful? God, yes. Not only is this card attractive, but it’s a planeswalker card with powerful abilities. His +1 lets you draw a card – which, remember, is card advantage. It also lets you untap two lands on the next end step, so you can have mana open for a counterspell if one of your opponents gets up to some mischief.
Don’t even get me started on his ultimate ability. Exiling any target permanent whenever you draw a card – which his +1 lets you do? Ridiculously amazing. Everyone at the table will hate you for it.
Gerrard, Weatherlight Hero
The smoldering stare featured in the artwork for Gerrard, Weatherlight Hero makes him vital for any list of handsome MTG men. His hair softly riffling in a breeze while he gazes into the distance, one hand on the wheel of a ship and another on a sword, shows that this is a man who means business.
Romance Archetype: There are a couple images that come to mind, but foremost is one of a spoiled prince type who lives a life of luxury…until tragedy comes crashing into his life, and he must take up a mantle of duty, going on a crazy adventure to save everything he loves. Who’s to say he wouldn’t meet someone that catches his eye along the way, tempting him to never return home?
Is he actually useful? Yes, in a specific type of deck that many call “boardwipe tribal.” His first strike is nice, of course, but that’s not what you’ll use him for. What he does best is bring all your creatures and artifacts back after you use a board wipe to get rid of all your opponents’ permanents first.
Onyx Mage
Have you ever had a crush on a villain in a movie, show, or book? Someone you know is supposed to be bad, but you just can’t help yourself? That’s precisely what Onyx Mage is: a tempting taste of the darkness beyond the light who just happens to have an amazingly chiseled form.
Romance Archetype: Onyx Mage, like Rakish Heir, is a real bad boy. Not only can you tell because of his visible nipple piercing, but that skull and claw-like nails simply ooze an evil aura. Nevertheless, he has a dark kind of handsomeness that would undoubtedly enthrall someone. Whether he would care, I can’t say, though.
Is he actually useful? I kind of feel like he falls into a solid “okay” territory. Being able to give something deathtouch at the last second with his ability will always have your opponents hesitating to block when you swing at them, I suppose.
Jace, Cunning Castaway
One look at Jace, Cunning Castaway is all you need to see that this is one adventurous guy. I can just see it now: him standing on the deck of a pirate ship, hair tousled by the ocean breeze, while his eyes, blue as the waters beneath him, pierce the horizon…and our hearts.
Romance Archetype: I’m imagining a mischievous, swashbuckling pirate with an upbeat attitude and sarcastic sense of humor. His sharp wit pierces those around him, and he comes off like he doesn’t care when that couldn’t be further from the truth. He’d be an exiled or banished prince – something like that – with a hidden mission to regain his honor and earn his way back into the good graces of his kingdom.
He’d find, though, that the real treasure doesn’t come in a chest – it comes in love. Aw.
Is he actually useful? I think he’s okay. A planeswalker that only costs three mana is already pretty decent, and the fact that he can create a 2/2 on top of that is just a nice bonus. He’s no Jace, the Mind Sculptor, but I wouldn’t say he’s useless.
Captivating Crew
I’ll admit, Captivating Crew wasn’t originally on this list, but when I came across it in my search, I knew I couldn’t resist it. Just look at the pirate in the art. He has a “come hither” stare and he’s even biting his lip. This guy clearly knows how to have a good time, and he so obviously wants someone to join him.
Romance Archetype: He’s refreshingly simple: no hidden twists or turns in his personality. He’s a roguish pirate with smooth moves looking for a night of fun with someone while his ship’s in the port, probably to restock or something.
Certainly, it won’t be a night that his partner will ever forget…but it won’t be anything more than a night. The next day, he’ll be long gone, sailing somewhere over the edge of the world.
Is he actually useful? I’d say he’s okay. You can effectively use him to “captivate” opponents’ creatures and smack them with their own army. While that’s interesting, I wouldn’t say he’s exactly a jaw-dropping card or anything.
Honorable Mention
Joven
I’m not going to spend a lengthy amount of time writing about Joven, because he’s just an honorable mention. I couldn’t seriously include him on the list, but I couldn’t just…not mention him at all.
We all knew a guy who looked like this in high school and thought he looked cool. If you’re too young to know a guy who dressed like this in high school, then you probably have a metalhead uncle who used to dress like this.
At any rate, he has a unique look that is absolutely worth mentioning. If you have anything else to add about him, let me know in the comments below.
Wrap Up
Usually, this is the part where I pick something that’s the best out of the entire list. I can’t really do that in this case, though, because I think all of these cards have their own unique look to bring to the table.
If your goal is to make a deck filled with gorgeous guys, you can’t really go wrong with any of them. Some of them are more powerful, yes, but that wasn’t the point of this post.
Did I miss any you think should be here? Feel free to comment with your suggestions. I’d love to see them!